Is there anyone else out there like me? or am I not even human?

My name is Jacob P.. What I am about to write here is my personal thoughts and secrets that I would never tell anyone even if it kills me. I am so depressed that I am unhappy as there can be possibly. I am 15 years old and have no friends. Just acquaintances. Nobody knows me, people call me names and I do nothing about it, most of the time. I take a lot of people’s shit and never do much about it unless I’m really really pissed off. Today was just another shitty day in my life. All the same, basically, with the exception of a few more things to be upset about. My typical day of the week is this: I wake up, take a shower, get out of the shower, try to find something to wear that I like and is alright looking, then mess with my curly as chlorine hair for about 20 minutes. Get into a car with my mom, she drops me off at school on her way to work. I arrive at school usually about 7:55 and walk around the hallways for about 25 minutes by myself.
I feel ashamed of writing this, I am so messed up that I am embarrassed even in my head for doing this… while walking around I just walk up and down the halls for excuses to look at the person I like and can’t get the nerve to talk to her or even say hi. I am pretty sure she likes me too, but I don’t know what to do, I am to shy to talk to her or even say hi back when she says hi to me. Then I go to my first period class and sit. I don’t talk to hardly anyone in the class. This clown that sits in front of me use to be my friend. Now he is just embarrassing. He doesn’t do a damn thing to his hair from the time he gets up in the morning to the time he gets out of swim practice. All he talks about is World of Warcraft shit that is so gay. Every time he talks to someone else that plays it, that’s all he talks about. He says these stupid as phrases he hears in the game and is really obnoxious. He thinks that he is so smart and everyone else is inferior to him. He is a freak too who says he has OCD, just because he won’t touch his damn food cause he says he doesn’t want to put dirty food in his fat belly. The nasty beast spits on his hands and rubs them together and some how that is ok? Do not think so, sick bastard. After 1st hour, I walk out the hallway just try to hurry to get a glimpse of the girl that I like coming out of her class, hoping that something will change, never does. I am pretty certain that she likes me, but not to sure that maybe it is because I want her to like me back. I think about her all the time. Then I go to my 2nd period class and just sit for over an hour listening to this old bitch teacher who hates the kids, yet try’s to Be cool? The kids are laughing at her and she just shakes off whatever she is doing and says it is the objects fault or other. After 2nd, I wait in the classroom just to make sure im the last one out to waste some time so I can walk down the same hall and see the girl I like looking at her for a few seconds and it all just stays the same. Some days when she says hi to me its really quietly while she is walking, sorta spitted out. I do not know. 3rd hour is stupid as hell. This bastard calls me a retard and makes fun of me. I can kick his ass so bad and I choked him in 6th grade once already… And I was even nice to him when he got in a car crash and has his retarted face wired shut. Then this one kid is so fake and lies. Just try’s to fit in. Wears random band shirts that noone has even heard of. Well, im sure some people have, but not any good bands. That screamo shit. Lies about everything most of the time. Then during 5th the fake ass fights like a little girl. Holding onto me pinching and scratching me with his girl nails. I had him by the throat up against the glass wall and he said to let go and so I did because I did not want to “ fight, fight”. Then he goes over to a group of kids and says he was like stronger then me or something.. He isn’t I am. I know I am. Then he trys to play it off and act like we are friends. ‘says we have been friends since 3rd grade and doesn’t want it to be like this. We were never friends. Did I talk to him all the time? Does he know me? Do I call him? Do I go to his house? No. Anyways I just told you 5th. back after 3rd period, after lunch, I rush down to put my books away just to go up the hallway to see her. She is really pretty. Then I go to 4th hour. Oh, what a bore hole. Until… yesterday I was glancing over at the bf/gf beside me. She was giving him a hand job. It was really disturbing. He had his coat or whatever covering his unzipped pants. And I could hear what they were saying to each other. Then today they were trying to do it again, but luckily did not get the chance to. They talk about how they are starting to have sex together. It is funny, sorta. The only time I smile is when I laugh at something. Or think about the girl I like by myself. I do not smile. There is nothing in my life to smile about. People say smile. They do not know me. What the hell do I have to smile about? Nothing. I just think about how depressed I am. And wonder how the people would react if I killed myself. Then I go home, I am on the swim team didn’t go to the last few practices cause I am not even swimming in the final meet. Why and the hell should I practice with a bunch of bastard’s I hate and don’t like? When I talk to people, I mess up. Like I won’t tell them how I feel and cannot be myself. I end up saying something that makes me look like an idiot. I just really want to talk to her. She is 18 I am 15. I do not know what to do anymore. The past few years have been so bad. I am so depressed and wonder if there is anyone like me out there. Anyone like me. Am I even human. Does anyone else have these problems with no answer? I go home and listen to Shinedown and 3 days grace. I like them a lot. My asshole sister is going to their concert Monday w/o me. It is not even fair. She doesn’t even like them. I knew about this concert over a month ago and I am willing to pay the ticket. Bitch. Nothing ever goes my way. I go to bed.. I have trouble sleeping through the nights lately. I think about her a lot and wonder if she likes me too. I like her so much and I barley know her. I am so messed up. Its really hard to say hi or do anything to her or even look at her when I see her sometimes. I am ashamed. There are like 6 jacobs in my grade. One with the same last name as me even. I have no identity. II

I stopped reading about halfway when I realized I felt like I was reading a biopic of my childhood. Now Im 22 years old living in my own apartment, an aspiring film maker, happy as can be, with friends a girl that im absolutely inlove with who Im waiting till shes of age cus I honestly could care less what anyone thinks. Dude, life is a F***in adventure, all the stuff your caught up now, the drama, the highschool popularity, identity, you will learn in time man, that it does not matter at all. All the as***les and popular tough guys seem to have karma catch up with them. Right now, be yourself, dont care what anyone thinks except you, be happy, be a good person, and I promise you, PROMISE, that its gonna become something you never would have expected. O and that girl you like, you should think about going up to her one day and sayin something, girls think the same way we do man, if a girl came up to you and said somethin nice, dont you think youd be a little taken? Do it bro, this lifes here for the taking.